And so at midnight, just 12 minutes from now,
mass murderer Victor Ajax will be executed
at the Hudsucker State Penitentiary.
Now it's Ajax's turn to die.
Ajax, a security system's repair man gets death by electrocution
Thus writing finis to the horrible tale of murder and mayhem
that shocked our fair city just 2 weeks ago
claiming innocence to the end, but nothing can save Ajax now.
You...
No...
Sit down!
Wait... wait... no... no... no!
Okay, Gout
Just fried Gurwitz
You're next, Ajax
But I'm innocent. Innocent, I tell ya
Don't give them the satisfaction
Ajax!
Well, good luck kid, give my regards to [God].
Come on pipsqueak, we're saving a seat for ya!
Say, you look like a couple of reasonable fellows and...
let me explain what's.. . what's going on here
I'm not supposed to be here!
It's all a big mistake
There's no hard feelings on this end.
Mistakes do happen
and naturally I can explain everything
see I only worked for Mr Odegard and Mr Trend
I was an employee in their security shop
and Mr Odegard wasn't a very nice guy and...
Don't sit down, Vic!
I guess he was planning to sell the shop right out
from under Mr Trend's nose
So tell me Odegard... do you still o-v-e love it?
Could you die? Does it... ah... trip your alarm?
Frankly, Renaldo, what you do with this shop
after you've bought it doesn't interest me in the least
But let's keep this little transaction to ourselves
I wouldn't want my partner to know he's losing his business
Somehow, Mr Trend must have found out about it
Mr Trend wasn't such a bad guy
but he and his wife had sunk
their whole lives into that business and...and...
Mr Trend would have done anything for his wife....
anything.
Center City Exterminators...
Trend?
You there?
Little weasel...
Give me the word, come on, ya creep.
Do it tonight, he'll be working late, alone...
and make it quick
I don't want him to suffer
You hear that, Arthur? He doesn't want him to suffer long!
Helene, I'll never let that rat destroy our happiness
you can count on it.
So, so you see...
I had no idea Mr Trend was up to something
nobody did, it was between the two partners
I had nothing to do with it!
If you could only find Nancy, she's my witness.
If you could only find her she'd tell you I'm totally innocent.
She'd tell you the whole time I was across the street from the shop
installing the video security system
in Mr Trend's apartment building
Mr Trend!
Honey, I'm home
Who is it?
It's me, Mr Trend!
Oh... Hi, Vic. What's on your mind?
Silliest damn thing, it's a broom closet!
Well, one more camera
Mr. Trend and it's...
back to the shop
Fine, back to the...
You know Vic, I'm glad we ran into each other
in this amusing fashion
For a long time now I've been looking to have a heart to heart with you
you know you're always been more than just an employee
to Helene and I
Honey, I'm home
You find this work fulfilling, don't you, Vic?
And how, Mr Trend!
And have you ever thought about the grand design?
I mean, there's something missing, isn't there, Vic
A door, Mr Trend?
What's behind the door, Vic?
Oh,... Oh...Jeez,...
Mr. Trend I'd love to have a foyer, but on my salary...
a large apartment is...
I'm not talking about the anteroom, Vic...
I'm talking about the little princess inside.
Lord knows I'll do anything for Helene
Don't go back to the shop
Take the rest of the day off.
Tonight you go out and find a little princess
that you'd do anything for.
Now you go out there and find yours.
Oh, Thanks, Mr. Trend
Just make sure that... she knows who's boss
Okey-dokey, Mr. Trend
How are you tonight, Colonel?
Adequate!
[??] Hell of a storm brewing.
You know how I can tell?
No, how?
Steel plate.. in my head.
Yes sir, Korea was no picnic.
Word of advice son, when you hook up 4G
don't flirt with the filly that lives there.
She'll slap you quicker than you can say "present arms".
Yes sir, there's one woman that can take care of herself...
All by herself...
All by...
Taking care of yourself
that's important
but two people
taking care of each other
that's romance...
Romance
Let's see
Chapter one: The Perfect Woman
Of course the perfect woman is not just gonna walk into my life, Gee...
Ohhooooooooo... Holy moly!
Oh! my goodness, are you okay?
Come on fuck, get outta the road!
You maniacs!
Incredible, I've never seen anything like that!
- Are you alright? - Ah.. ha. oh..
Oh its.. oh, oh.. you've got the key... whoops.
One more thing, chode, don't you EVER call me a maniac.
People gotta learn to watch where I'm going.
Are you alright?
Yeah...
Are you alright?
Me? Yes.
Excuse me?
What?
Oh, I.. I.. thought you... said something.
No.
Ah....
...you didn't?
Well...Thanks again
Um! Would you... Iike...to have...
some lunch some evening?
I'm sorry, No!
Ah, or a cup of coffee?
No, no, really.... I ah...
I'll pay.
No, that's not it...really...I...
Well look...
If you're not hungry... maybe we could just chat.
Hey, hey!
I've got the rest of the night off and...
Renaldo!
Hiya, cupcake
Say, where were you?
I had to walk home from work
Oh I... oh.. I ran into an old army buddy and
I was detained
Hi, I'm Vic
Owww...!
Glad to know you
Say, what the hell, in the neighborhood
wadda you say you and I go out and
drown a couple olives, huh?
Well, I don't know... you..
It's a date then. 8 o'clock Rialto Cafe, eh?
Well, okay!
Socially the man's a genius, I wonder if he's read this book
- Bye Baby! - Goodbye Renaldo, goodbye!
Jumping Jehosaphats
In all my years in the city... I ain't seen nothing like this...
...cheap Japanese umbrella...
I am so scared...
[??] hurricane
My eye
I'll sue you
Holy Hanna, are you okay?
Jesus, I don't know
Look out for the [pole]!
Did you see that?
Helene, please come away from the window
Is that Mr Odegard's car down there?
Honey, this roast is absolutely delicious
Is Mr Odergard working late tonight?
No..
he went home..
to eat his dinner.
he was very hungry and he went home
Well, it looks like there's a light on down there.
Helene, your food's getting cold.
He's still there, honey and it's after 7 o'clock.
I didn't know you were still there, honey.
I didn't know that Mr Odergard would be working late tonight.
Wait.... I think somebody's with him
I'm going down there!
Get away from that fucking window!
I'm sorry
I'll go down
You can't go out in this... terrible weather
Don't call anybody
I'll see what's going on
Remember what I said
I didn't expect him in the shop tonight
it's a complete surprise to me
a total surprise...
and...
You'd like that, wouldn't ya, baby?
A thousand guys would give a thousand bucks to have dinner
with a girl like that.
Just look at that guy
I'm not that kind of girl!
Well, with a little practice you could learn to be
Oh, now, now.. wait a minute, cupcake.
Nice tie!
Ooh! $76
Okay, here's forty
[Rupert then], and I had the appetizer.
Call me a sport
I'd call you a heel!
So I'm a heel
So what of it?
Who are you?
Maybe I'm just a guy who hates heels.
Maybe I'm a heel who hates guys who hate heels.
Oh yeah? Well maybe I'm a guy...
Oh... ah...
Loser
Oh, oh. The eye... noodles.
Go on! Go on!
What in the living hell am I doing here?
I oughta shove those binoculars down your throat.
Jiminy Kripes, how'd I ever get myself into this?
For cryin' out loud.
So long, partner...
Nobody makes a fool out of Ernest Aloysius Trend.
Now everything's hunky-dory.
No witnesses.
Why, no, officer.
I couldn't say where he is.
Enemies?...
None that I knew of... know of...
Yes...
Donald was very much beloved by all.
Of course, I'm sure he's alright
Murdered?
Ernest, is everything alright?
Yeah, fine.... I'm at the shop
Are you sure?
Odergard's gone... It looks like he uses the back door for the [??].
Okay, then come on home, honeykins...
your dinner's getting cold.
Ok, I'll be right home dear... goodbye.
I used to think that the key to happiness...
was the installation and repair of small electrical appliances
but... well, I don't claim to know
a whole lot about the grand design
but lately I haven't been able to
shake the feeling that something's missing
and I'm not talking about the foyer or the anteroom.
Cherish is the word I use to describe all the feelings that I have
hiding here for you inside
I don't know how many times I wish that I had told you
I don't know how many times I wish that I could hold you
I don't know how many times...
I wish that I could mould you into someone...
who could cherish me.. as much as I cherish you...
I haven't seen you here before
I like that in a woman
You're cute
Keep talking baby, maybe you'll tell me something
I don't already know
...I don't know how many times I wish that I could hold you
I don't how many times I wish...
Arthur...
For all we know, this is the guy that hired us.
Tell him it's a two for one sale.
So, I guess what I'm trying to say is.. that the perfect woman is
is pretty much in the eye of the beholder
It's funny... just some dames dig round chuck.
when they could have prime rare.
Oh, you man you!
No one can be perfect on their own.
Each person needs someone to
believe in them, to see them as being someone special
people shouldn't be afraid to take care of each other
Nancy... today, when I saw you fall
all I wanted to do was take care of you
Hey!
He didn't...
Didn't you?
Foolish..
Whoa
Ernest Aloysius Trend, what on earth is keeping you?
Have a cab? You'll pay for that
I don't want to break a hundred.
Take your bag, sir?
No muss, no fuss... Leave the bagging to us.
Spies... above.
Lady, you ain't seen nothing...
YET!
Put up your dukes.
What mother son's raising all that ruckus out here?
What's this?
Victor, you're a very nice guy
and I appreciate what you tried to do for me tonight
but this is one woman who can take care of herself
Let's have a big round of applause for Johnny and the boys.
Vic, would you lend me $36?
Sure!
If I had $36...
I don't usually walk around with that much money on me!
So where on earth am I going to get $36?
Ladies and gentlemen
The winners of tonight's Rialto Dance Riot will receive $36.
Play, Johnny.
Woman found torn limb from limb in West Side apartment....
Film at eleven.
Operator
It's an emergency...
Oh, please... help me...
there's a man hitting... ah!
Well, ah.. you see.. my husband went across the street... and... oh!
ah...ah...before that, I'd seen Mr Odegard
I'd seen him working late and
I'm going to tear out your...
Where am I?
Oh, yeah.
San Francisco...
Come to papa, sweetheart.
Oh, playing hard to get, huh? I like it that way.
Okay... hmmm..
Help!
Drop her you little punk.
I'm gonna kick your ass.
Buckwheat, I is gonna give you an advantage.
Take a last good Iook at God's sweet earth, Mister.
'cause youz about to meet the being what made it.
Mr Yarman?
Quiet down, Mrs. Trend.
There but one way to catch a rat in the dark,
you wait.
Rat, he just gotta show you his pink little ass
You can't seem to catch this rat!
I'll get ya.
Rat ain't been made what can get away from Mr Yarman
See?
It's a long road that's got no end.
To catch a rat, you gotta find him first.
Right
And rats like me are hard to find
Bon voyage, sucker
Oh, honey, look at that man!
Better not getting involved
Hey, what's so funny? Why don't you share it with the rest of us.
Aw, go on...
- Taxi! - Where to?
Some night, huh?
Some night? It couldn't have possibly been worse
I almost get run over, lose a dance contest...
Heh..
get stood up by a heel
and spend most of the evening washing dishes to...
pay for a good time I didn't have
It couldn't possibly have been worse.
You met me didn't ya?
Exactly
I think things could have been a lot worst
Look at the bright side
You and your bright side?
There is no bright side
You're not being rational, Nancy
of course there's a bright side
No bright side
No... bright... side!
NO BRIGHT SIDE!
Nancy, I'm going to pretend I didn't hear that...
Oh!
I can take care of myself
Of course you can, Nancy
but taking care of each other, that's what's important
Who are you?
You're ruining my day.
What'd I do?
What's all that noise?
Car 9, car 9 report to Watchtower apartments
Domestic squabble. That is all.
Come on...
Who are you anyway?
Come on! Come on!!
Come on already..
Come on..
God!
Use the elevator
Come on, God...
Ow!
I'm Captain of this elevator...
and we are stopping at every floor.
Whoa!
Nancy, once we get you back in your apartment and all cleaned up
you'll feel like a million bucks, here we go!
Whoa!
- Arthur? - Faron?
Look out!
Okay, Nancy, my eyes are closed
you can hand me that dress now
Can I open my eyes yet?
Not yet!
Behind you
Open up, please. It's the Police.
Where'd you get the Negro, Butch?
Elevator
What kind of paranoid schizo could kill a man in cold blood
and then jelly up his face with shaving cream?
My dad!
Son!
I don't know what I ever saw...
in that heel in the first place...
Oh, he's not such a bad guy, just a little confused
Am I confused too, Vic
No Nancy, I think your emotions are wonderful...
I wish I could be as expressive as you
you were so free when you kissed me
in the restaurant and when you slapped me
I think you're wonderful...
I... have to get some more Sudzo for that dress
I'll be right back
Vic?
Um hmm
I've just been thinking about what you said...
and it's very sweet but the truth is...
I haven't been completely honest with my feelings about you...
Thank you for helping me tonight
No problem
Of all the men I've known, none of them would have done
what you did for me tonight
Gosh!
I just want you to know I think you're a very wonderful
and a very special person
It's not often I get a chance to meet a girl like you
Nancy?
Where are you?
Freshening... freshening up
It sounds like that congestion's moving to your throat
Listen, I just saw Mrs. Ellroy in the hall...
and she said that there are a couple of maniacs running around with forks
in their noses and she's concerned
because she hasn't seen Jack or Jack junior for...for quite a while
Gracious
Yeah, it sounds like they're a couple of real sickos
Did you hear that?
There's a couple of maniacs running loose out there.
Oh, God.
I know you can take care of yourself...
but, ah... I just thought I oughta pass it along
Well, tonight certainly has been rough on you.. but...I...
I just have to tell you Nancy, for me...
it's been the most wonderful night of my life
It probably sounds funny to... a girl like you
who's met lots of swell guys and...
I know that'll sounds funny...
to a girl like you who's met
Iots of swell guys
and had lots of wonderful evenings
But... I never met a girl like you before...
but I've never met a girl like you before...
What a turkey!
I know I don't deserve you
but I just had to tell you how I felt
before I... walked out of your life... forever...
[??]
you could tell me to stay if you wanted to...
But if you don't.... I'll understand.
I understand
I think he's gone
Listen I just have to get a chance to thank him before he goes
I really love you the core
Hey, love.. it's a terrific place you got here
Oh, golly gee, your hair really smells terrific
No, I don't get a chance to talk to people like much you know...
especially girls like you ya know
When I was in school my mom used to let me
They never let me talk to anybody
You know and I hated my mom. That's why I come to the rodent
Because, you know, every time I kill one of those guys
I see my mom in their face, ya know.
I never had a chance
'caus, you know, I'm a like a product of the 60's...
Vietnam, napalm, libby stick, LBJ, all the way...
Ya know... Kent State, pay the price, Soul on Ice
Mrs Trend... you better get back to your apartment
there are a couple of maniacs loose in this building
I told you never to call me that
Arthur!
You have a rodent problem?
Hey, Arthur. Every man for himself!
Whoa!
Faron!
Ready or not. Here I come.
Come back here
Hey, baby. Why don't you come on over to my pad..ah...
we'll have a scotch and sofa
You heel.
So I'm a heel
So what of it?
I'm not such a bad guy...
or am I?
Huh?
Pardon me.
Ernest Al !!.....
Watch it, fatso!
Get out of the way
Avon Calling.
I've gotcha!
I got ya!
- Oh, my God! - Yo, load em up.
Let's see, the 240 will get me the 515 and the 315 will get me [fades]
Stop this nonsense immediately.
Put her down this instant you filthy little man
Who's gonna stop me you old bat
You and those fag dogs?
That's right
Hey, where ya going? The night is young.
Hey, you little witch
Brother Faron
I'll get the truck.
Let me in here!
Okay, no more Mr Nice Guy.
Goin' my way, sweetheart?
Women drivers.
- Faron, are you okay? - Get in the truck, idiot.
Look what they did to me... Oh, I wanna...
Wah, I'm gonna get you.. Oh, I hate animals.
Nancy!
What's the trouble son?
Some maniacs are after my girl...
and I wonder if you'd let me take your...
You love her, son?
Yes, sir. I reckon I do.
She sticks a little in third.
I don't claim to know a whole lot about the grand design
Those fellows are gonna suck on some abuse.
Arthur, go ahead, go on
No, No.. I know ya...
Go ahead, take one
No, no I know you don't mean it.
Arthur, I'm telling you it's okay.
- Yeah? - Go on
You freak!
Ramming speed!
Go get her
Get along little doggy.... and come home to me.
Beat it! Get out of the way!
Asshole!
Victor, Help!
I'm coming Nancy!
Make way for Victor Ajax!
Why you...
- You're under citizen's arrest, fella. - Oh, yeah..
The eye.
That does it.
Taste justice!
I'm coming, Arthur...
Should I stop?
Not just yet!
Nancy, I feel like a wishbone
I'm being split in two.
Do you want me to stop?
What?
Why those guys!... I only borrowed that car!
- Hey, Vic? - Huh?
Go on, go get him, Arthur. He over there.
Tally-Ho
Right Mister!
Keep off of my boot. Keep off of the [Dodge].
- Stand by for the bat. - Ow-oh
Arthur, are you alright up there?
- Look out for that old Vet. - There's no...
Suprise... suprise!
How do you want it, Vic? Medium or well done?
- Look out! - Nancy!
You broke my shocker.
Mister, you've done some bad things
and I'm gonna deal out some swift justice...
this one's for bothering my girl...
this one's for giving me this...
this one's for ruining my date
and here's one for all the folks everywhere
Okay son, I give up...
Please don't hit me again with that baseball bat.
I realize what I did was wrong when... well... I'm.. I'm sorry.
Sometimes, sorry isn't good enough
Wait, from now on I'll be good
I swear it's the truth
Just one more chance...
- Well... - Please.... friend?
Pal?
Alright... but just this once
Put 'er there buddy
Knock his brains out.
Well, it look like the end of the road for you, Vic
Don't look now, but here comes an overpass!
You really tear me up, Vic Can I call you Vic?
I mean that's the difference between me and you
That's why you're down there and I'm up here
You see Vic...
You believe in people and I don't
That's why I'm gonna bash your stinkin' little skull...
Arthur?... Arthur!! Why you little...
Yowwwww!
Victor!
Nancy
Victor... save me!
Nancy!
I got ya Nancy
Oh, not so fast.
You can still put a stop to this.
I certainly intend to
Ah, this is a nightmare
And away we go!
She's going over... please... please..
I'm coming, Nancy.
Hold on kid, we're almost there
You wanna play rough, aye.
Let's go
Eat guard rail, fatso.
Fatso!... I'll....
Here I come.
Here comes [per swiss]
Now it's your turn, toots
[Up and travel]
Nancy... Nancy, jump! Nancy, jump!
I can't make it!
You can make it
It's too far!
Come to me, Nancy
Nancy!
Hold on! Hold on! Oh, are you alright?
Oh... No, Nancy. Please, oh, oh, ok, oh, oh
Not the ear..
Hold on, Nancy...
Oh, goodness. Oh, my goodness. Are you alright?
Oh, no! Not the eye!
Who were those guys anyway?
Oh, Gee.. I don't know
- I mean, where'd they come from? - I can't believe you...
- Well, how'd they get you? - Are you okay?
Nancy, I came into your room
and I thought you didn't care... about me
Oh! Vic, I do care... you saved...
And then I hit the water
so you see I'm practically a hero,...
Oh, thanks. So if it hadn't been for me
there's no telling how many people those maniacs might've killed
Tell it to Saint Peter!
Saint Peter? Oh yeah that's a good one!
But seriously, if you can just find Nancy she'd
prove everything I've told you
Nancy, Nancy, you probably killed her just like all the others
She's alive, I tell ya. She was on the bridge
I don't know what happened to her
but maybe if you ran a picture of her in the paper
Ah! sure! Yeah, we'll run a picture of her?
- Yeah! Yeah. - Next to your obit.
Yeah! Next to my...
Hallelujah... Hal-le-lu-jah...
Well, I've still got five minutes
Hold it! Hold it! It's the Governor.
Am I too late?
No, Governor.
Thank God...
I didn't want to miss this.
Sayonara!
Wait!!
That man is innocent!
Nancy!
Aw, come on!
Victor, darling, I had no idea
When you fell off that bridge, I thought you were dead.
I wandered for days
What were you wondering about?
And then these good sisters took me in
Hi! I'm Vic
I was about to take my vow of eternal silence
when I read about this horrible mistake in the newspapers
Can you good sisters corroborate this young lady's story?
They can't speak!
They've taken the vow of eternal silence
Too bad!
Right!
She likes me!
Hey..... Hey! Is anybody out there?